


Ease

by tjdwxyne



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Red Robin (Comics), Titans (Comics)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Cancer, Depression, Doctors, Eating Disorder, Established Relationship, Hospitals, I will add more tags as the story evolves, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, Nurses, Secrets, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Sickfic, Tim has to strip, Vigilantism, Vomiting, chemo - Freeform, i added a Swedish nurse because she’s cool, like not on a pole but undress, rating will most likely go up
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-20
Updated: 2020-03-10
Packaged: 2020-12-27 03:33:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 12,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21111971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tjdwxyne/pseuds/tjdwxyne
Summary: Tim gets diagnosed with cancer and no one seems to realize just how badly it’s affecting his mental health





	1. set me free

**Author's Note:**

> I sUck at summaries so f u c k

“Mr.Drake, did you hear what I told you?”

Tim looked up, bemused. “I’m sorry. I must’ve spaced out,” he replied, his voice shaking a bit. It was true. After he’d heard the doctors first words his ears had started ringing, and his thoughts had been swarming through his head, distracting him from the rest of the doctors words. 

“Well, as I said, I know this is hard to hear, but we have found that you have stage 3 leukemia-” the doctor started.

“Stage 3?” Tim interrupted, still feeling a bit dumbfounded. 

The doctor gave a smile, which made Tim a bit frustrated. She had no right to smile after telling Tim those awful news.

“That means that we’ve found leukemia cells in several parts of your body, and the cancer has gotten a lot of time to grow. You see, the way leukemia starts is when the DNA of immature blood cells becomes damaged in some way. This causes your blood cells to grow and divide continuously, so that there are too many. Healthy blood cells die after a while and are replaced by new cells, which are produced in the bone marrow,” the doctor said, now keeping a neutral tone, which Tim rather preferred.  
“The survival rate is at 83%.”

“I will schedule a new meeting in a week where we can discuss your treatment, and you’ll have to bring your father or mother to that meeting. As you are only 15 I have to call either of them to inform them of what I just informed you,” she continued.

Tim blinked a few times before he spoke up. “I- its my legal guardian. My parents are- Bruce. Call Bruce Wayne,” he stammered, stumbling over the words. Bruce had to attend a meeting to discuss some secret League business, but he would be back for patrol tonight. Alfred had driven him here, and was waiting for him in the waiting room.

Tim had no idea what to say when he got out again. Would he tell alfred what he’d just been told? Would he lie? Would he wait for Bruce to know before he told someone else?

“Mr.Drake?” the nurse said, probably for the fourth time considering the slight annoyance in her tone that she tried to hide.

“Hm?”

“I asked if you had any questions,” she said impatiently.

Tim didn’t feel like sitting for any longer inside this tiny office, so he simply shook his head. He could ask over the phone tomorrow, or just google anything he needed the answer to.

“Okay, then I’ll see you in a week. Bruce gets a message when the meeting is, so you don’t have to worry about that,” the doctor - Dr. Marce (Tim hadn’t bothered to read her nametag until now) - said warmly and stood up, now offering a smile.   
Tim stood up as well, and shook her hand before leaving the office. 

Alfred was still in the waiting room when Tim got back, sitting besides a toddler that was playing with cars. The butler stood up once Tim approached him, and handed Tim his jacket. “Ready to go?”

Alfred’s british accent seemed soothing in a way Tim quite couldn’t describe, but he felt his shoulders relax a bit. He gave a short nod in reply, and they walked in silence to the car. Tim was glad it had been Alfred driving him and not Dick. He would’ve asked questions, and Tim did not feel too comfortable right now. Alfred could read him, and he knew when he needed to talk, and when he didn’t.

The ride back to the manor felt awfully long, and Tim spent it occupied in his own head. He would have so much research to do when he came home, and he would have to talk about it with Bruce. That would probably be the worst thing. They were both bad at expressing emotions, and none of them would have no idea what exactly to do. 

Tim spent the rest of his day in his room, just playing candy crush. He wanted to do some research, but he didn’t find the motivation to do so. He already felt tired and nauseous, and he didn’t want to make himself feel worse by reading negative facts. 

Around 8pm Alfred knocked on his door to let him know it was dinner, and that they had guests. Tim put on a button-up shirt and a pair of jeans, and then headed downstairs. The guests were just some of Bruce’s business partners, so Tim didn’t say much through dinner. He figured the doctor hadn’t called yet, because Bruce would’ve probably cancelled the dinner then. Maybe she had decided to wait until tomorrow.

Tim didn’t feel hungry at all, so it was just stuffing the food into his mouth, without managing to enjoy it. When dessert came around, Tim politely declined it, which earned him an arched eyebrow from Alfred. 

The guest left an hour later, and Bruce headed down to the cave. He really didn’t know anything then.   
Tim stripped down to gym shorts and a singlet before he walked down to the cave as well. He could ask Bruce to sparr a bit before they went out on patrol.

As he was walking down the stairs, he got a look on his legs. They were littered with deep bruises, which Tim didn’t remember getting. He furrowed his eyebrows, and continued walking. Yeah, he’d gained a few bruises while on patrol last night, but he hadn’t hit himself so hard.   
Hopefully Bruce wouldn’t question it. 

Bruce was sitting by the batcomputer when Tim came down, writing a report. Tim guessed it had something to do with the League meeting earlier.

“Alfred informed me that you were at the doctors earlier?” Bruce said lightly, without even turning around. 

“Yeah,” Tim replied, keeping his voice steady. He could feel shame rise in him. “The doctor said she would call you?” He tried to keep his voice as innocent as possible, and he had always been a good liar.

“She might have. I can’t find my personal phone,” Bruce said and turned to look at Tim. He didn’t smile, but Tim could see the light amusement in his eyes. “Why is she gonna call me?”

Tim shrugged, rolling his shoulders. “Just some paperwork I think. And payment,” he replied. 

Bruce nodded slowly. “I’ll call her back as soon as I find my phone again then.”

“Hey? I wondered if we could sparr a bit before patrol? It’s still some time before dark,” Tim suggested and rubbed the back of his neck. 

Tim had never acted towards Bruce as if he was his father. Bruce had never felt like a father figure to him, but as a mentor. They hadn’t formed an emotional bond, and Tim thought more of them as partners than adoptive relatives. 

“Just warm up first and then find our boxing gloves,” Bruce replied and then returned back to the batcomputer. Tim’s lips stretched into a smile, and he headed towards the training matts.


	2. the quiet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This came earlier than expected because I skipped school today  
note that this is not beta'd and I'm too tired to read through it myself

Tim hadn’t been looking when he found Bruce’s phone. 

Bruce had asked him to find some documents for him in his office, and his phone had just been lying in the drawer. Tim didn’t know what he intended to do when he took Bruce’s phone and slipped it into his pocket, but he ignored the guilty feeling that bubbled in his stomach, and hurried back to the library where Bruce was waiting for him. 

Bruce had wanted to teach him what to do in certain situation when running a company, which Tim didn’t understand why.   
Bruce knew that his parents had taught him this when he was younger.   
Maybe he actually did know what had happened to Tim, but was unsure of how to approach it, so he rather wanted to pretend like everything was okay? 

Yeah, Tim could go with that. 

Sneaking away from Bruce was easy, as he’d suspected. He just had to mention that he had homework, and Bruce just sent him away. 

He tried to not raise suspicion by fleeing the room, and instead walked calmly and composed until he was out of heating range. He jogged back to his room, locking the door behind him. 

He unlocked Bruce’s phone and immediately went to recent calls. There was a missed call from an unknown number Tim recognized as Dr.Marce’s.

That meant that Bruce didn’t know. Tim briefly wondered why Bruce had wanted to hang out with him then, but quickly brushed it aside. Maybe he’d just forgotten that his parents had been obsessed with making him ready to take over the company at the age of ten. 

Tim went through his emails, and found nothing that had the keywords Timothy, or leukemia. He breathed out in relief and sat down on the bed. Tim deleted the missed call, just as the phone started to ring again. It startled Tim, even though it was just on vibrate, and he quickly glanced down on the screen again. It was the doctor. 

Tim inhaled sharply and answered the call. “Hello?” He said, attempting to deepen his voice. To his own ears he sounded ridiculous, but the doctor seemed to buy it. 

“Mr.Wayne! I’m sorry for calling you without any notice, but I couldn’t get through yesterday, and you weren’t at Timothy’s appointment,” Dr.Marce quickly apologized. 

“Right. Tim told me everything you had told him,” Tim felt absolutely ridiculous, and he knew if anyone was listening outside they would have a good laugh. 

“Yeah okay, that’s good to hear. Then I just wondered if you have any questions? I’m guessing Tim told you about the appointment I sat up the 27th?”

Tim gave a dark hum. “I don’t have any questions. Now, I have to go and attend a meeting if you’ll excuse me,” he said, just wanting the conversation to end. 

“Of course. Just call if you have any questions. I know this can be a lot to take in.”

“Good day,” Tim promptly replied and hung up. His heart was racing. He deleted the call and then laid down. He was tired and cold, but it was getting close to patrol hours again. He did also have some actual homework he needed to finish. 

Tim groaned in light frustration and curled under the blankets. He could do it later. 

Tim was woken up by someone lightly shaking his shoulder. He curled away from the touch, not wanting to wake up just yet. 

“Tim, we need to talk,” he heard a voice say. Bruce? Tim forced his eyes open, ignoring how heavy they felt. Bruce was sitting on the foot of his bed, his eyebrows knitted together. So it was something serious.

Anxiety started to build in him. 

“Tim, can you show me your ribs?” Bruce asked, attempting to sound patient. Tim could feel the anxiety start to form to annoyance. He had just woken up. 

“Why..do you wanna see my ribs?” Tim asked and rubbed his eyes. It was dark outside, so it didn’t seemed like he’d been asleep for too long. 

“Just take your shirt off,” Bruce said. 

Tim complied and dragged his t-shirt off, confused.   
Though, when he looked down at his chest, he understood why Bruce had wanted to see his ribs. 

He had two dark purple bruises covering his left side, and an ugly one creeping up from under the waistband of his pants. 

“How did that happen?” Bruce asked calmly. 

Tim had no idea what to actually respond. He knew it had happened when he’d sparred with Bruce the day before, but he hadn’t realized Bruce had hit him hard enough to bruise, let alone this badly. 

“We sparred yesterday?” Tim replied dumbly. 

Bruce frowned, shaking his head. “No. You slept through all of yesterday. And today,” Bruce said with a sigh. “You have a bad fever, so I don’t think you should patrol again. I also want to take a blood test and schedule a new appointment with the doctor.”

Tim swallowed tightly and nodded. “Actually— I have a new appointment in a few days, just to take some blood tests and everything,” he said quickly. 

Bruce stayed quiet for a few moments. “I want to come with you then,” he said.

Tim grimaced. “That’s not necessary.”

Bruce raised an eyebrow. “Is there something you haven’t told me?”

Tim shook his head quickly. “No, I just think you have something better to do than follow me to a stupid appointment.”

“I don’t mind following my son to the doctors. I want to know what’s going on in your life,” Bruce said and placed a hand on Tim’s knee. 

Tim frowned, unsure if Bruce was being serious or not. “Right..” he said slowly and moved a bit back. “It’s the 27th.” He said dryly. 

“Ah..and one more thing,” Bruce said as he stood up. “Why do you have my phone?” He asked. 

Tim tensed. “What? — oh. Yeah, i found it earlier,” he said. 

Bruce gave a smile and held a hand out. Tim grabbed the phone which had fallen down on the floor when he’d slept, and handed it over to Bruce. 

As the days passed by, Tim’s fever did as well, and he was allowed back on patrol again.  
Bruce seemed suspicious about how dark Tim’s bruises was, and Tim knew he would have to tell Bruce about what was going on. 

He had sent Bruce a message, saying the needed to talk, and then headed for school. The school day seemed to pass by a lot quicker than usual, and he was full of nerves on the way back to the manor. Tim still hadn’t told Alfred anything, but he was sure the man already knew that something wasn’t alright. For a moment he wondered telling Bruce and Alfred together.  
No, this was something he needed to tell them separately. 

“Alfred? Is Bruce at home?” Tim asked, looking out of the window. 

“Master Bruce is indeed at home. He said that you two would talk, so I’ve readied some cookies and lemonade,” Alfred replied.   
Tim gave a court nod. 

Bruce greeted them when they got into the hall, and Alfred took his jacket.   
“Where will you two be speaking?” Alfred asked. 

Tim looked up at Bruce, expecting him to reply, but Bruce just looked down at him. Tim awkwardly cleared his throat and looked back at Alfred. “The study.”

“Well, lead the way,” Bruce said and nudged Tim’s shoulder.

“I’ll be right up,” Alfred said before he disappeared, leaving Tim and Bruce alone. Tim felt incredibly nervous and awkward, but he walked with his head high to the study.   
He sat down in one of the three leaning chairs, and Bruce sat down in the one opposite from his. It was only a tiny coffee table that parted them. 

“What is it that you wanted to tell me about?” Bruce looked serious, and Tim was thankful for that. He was not sure if he would manage to follow through with this if he’d looked happy or cracked jokes. “Are you finally gonna come clean about how you got those bruises?”  
Tim looked up, and he saw that despite how solemn Bruce looked, he had a twinkle in his eyes. 

Tim furrowed his eyebrows and bit down on his lower lip. “What do you think happened for me to gain those bruises?” 

“I think you snuck out after we finished patrol later that night, and got wounded,” Bruce answered honestly, leaning back. Tim was about to reply when Alfred stepped into the room, carrying a tray with cookies and two glasses with pink lemonade. He quietly sat them down and then disappeared without saying a word. Tim mumbled a tiny ‘thanks’. Because even though he’d always live in wealthy families he still managed to be grateful and have respect for others.

“Well no. The reason I needed to talk with you is because we’re going to the doctors tomorrow..and I have to admit that I lied to you,” Tim started, his hands shaking. For some reason he was starting to feel emotional, and his throat was clogged up. He tried to speak, but his mouth wouldn’t form the words. He didn’t even know what to say. He was still in disbelief himself. Cancer seemed like such a useless word to him. It had never had a particular meaning to him, and he’d never bothered to think much about it. When the doctor told him that he had leukemia, he hadn’t felt bothered at all, and he still didn’t. 

“Tim?” Bruce was looking slightly concerned, and it wasn’t surprising. Tim had been opening and closing his mouth for nearly a minute now, making choked off sounds.

“I’m trying to word this correctly,” Tim replied, swallowing past the lump in his throat. He looked down for a moment, sucking in a sharp breath.  
“Tomorrow, we’re going to the doctors to discuss treatments against cancer.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the plot was a bit rushed, and the chapter was shorter than I had wanted, but oh well


	3. shine on

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry this took so much time  
I had a long talk with my teacher and we decided that I would have to start actually caring about school, so I wrote this assignment everyone had spent three weeks on in one night  
I tried to write on this chapter after I had finished the assignment, but as I was almost half unconscious I instead had to spend a few hours correcting my mistakes..which where a lot
> 
> anyways..
> 
> I never got satisfied with the first scene, but whatever

“Is it for a school project?” Bruce asked after a long while. His eyebrows were furrowed, and the twinkle in his eyes was gone. Tim shook his head, and Bruce’s frown only seemed to deepen. “So..what you’re saying is that you have cancer?” Bruce continued, looking directly into Tim’s eyes.   
“Yes.”  
Bruce stood up and started pacing. “Why is this the first I hear about it? A doctor surely should’ve notified me about something that big?”

Tim couldn’t help but wince. “Yeah..remember when you found my phone in your room?” 

Bruce turned to look at him. “You stole my phone?” Now he was starting to sound angry.  
Tim stood up, taking a step out to steady himself when the room started to spin. He took another deep breath, trying to keep himself calm. “Yes, I’m sorry,” Tim apologized and stepped up to Bruce. “I really didn’t want you to bench me,” he said and looked down, now feeling embarrassed. 

Bruce raised his eyebrows in disbelief and then scoffed. “You didn’t tell me you had cancer because you didn’t want me to bench you?” he almost yelled.

Tim winced and then nodded slowly. “I was embarrassed!” he exclaimed, raising his voice as well.

Bruce shook his head. “You know what..I can’t talk with you right now. I need some time to process this,” he said and then turned away and left the study, leaving Tim alone. 

Tim stood in the middle of the room, looking at the door Bruce had just left through. He’d majorly messed this up. He sucked in a sharp breath and closed his eyes, attempting to calm himself down. When he opened his eyes again, the room was spinning. Tim blinked a few times, and gave a frustrated groan. Why did his headache had to reappear now?

Tim shakily started walking towards his room, feeling as if he was on a boat. He had barely gotten to his room before he puked all over the floor. Acid burned his throat and mouth, and tears gathered in his eyes from the pain. He knew he was shaking, and he stumbled over to his bed. 

He didn’t have the energy to go down and notify Alfred that he’d vomited on his floor. He stripped out of his clothes, and he hadn’t even laid his head on the mattress before he was out cold. 

“Tim? Look at me. Can you open your eyes?”  
Tim groaned the slightest and tried to turn away, but something held his shoulder in place. He was sweating and shivers were running through his body. He tried to open his eyes, but they felt glued stuck to his lower eyelid.  
“Bruce?” he said groggily, squinting, barely managing to make something out of the blurry shadows around him. 

“It’s just me,” Bruce said, helping Tim to sit up. “Alfred came to tell you it was dinner, but you’d passed out here,” he continued.

It felt hard to breathe, and his theories was confirmed when he felt something warm slide down from his nose to his upper lip. “The nosebleed didn’t stop either.”

Tim blinked a few times, managing to open his eyes a bit more. “Has something like this happened before?” Bruce asked in concern, sitting down besides him.   
Tim shrugged and closed his eyes again. “Yeah, but nothing as bad as this. I just thought I was sleep deprived the other times I passed out,” he explained. “Can you turn the lights off?” 

“Sure thing kiddo.”  
Tim could feel the bed shift when Bruce stood up. Relief flooded through him when the painful light stopped trying to force its way through Tim’s eyelids. 

“I don’t think I wanna go to school tomorrow,” Tim murmured. 

“That’s okay,” Bruce replied.

“Shouldn’t Batman head out soon?” The bed shifted again and Bruce started to stroke Tim’s hair.

“I called Dick, he will patrol tonight.”

“Thank you.”

Tim woke up the next day in almost the same position he’d fallen asleep in. Bruce was nowhere to be seen, and Tim couldn’t help but feel a bit disappointed. It had been nice yesterday.

He stumbled out of bed and trotted to the bathroom. He had dried blood from his nostrils to his chin, and his hair was a mess. There was a slight red edge around Tim’s eyes, but he ignored that. He turned the water on and washed his face. He was too tired to take a shower.   
Tim gave a few attempts to tame his hair, but he quickly gave up. 

He was still a mess when he walked down to the dining room to eat breakfast, but at least he wasn’t a bloody mess anymore. 

Bruce was already sitting by the table when Tim came down, though he was lacking his usual newspaper. Tim hesitantly sat down, starting to eat from the fruit bowl that had been placed in front of him.

“How are you feeling?” Bruce asked, eying Tim. 

Tim looked up from his fruit bowl, settling on half glaring.   
“Bruce, I feel as horrible as I look,” Tim said dryly, and picked up his food, shoving a piece of apple into his mouth. It tasted sour. 

Bruce didn’t seem amused.   
“Tim, I’m trying to be serious,” he said sternly. Tim raised his eyebrows and looked down at his food again. “Sorry,” he said quietly, not wanting to argue anymore. He was having a headache again.

The ride to the hospital was quiet, and as much as he wanted Alfred to turn on the radio, he didn’t want to talk at all. 

Gotham hospital was, to describe in one word, dull. Despite what people might’ve thought it wasn’t overfilled with people. There weren’t many that actually had the money to stay at the hospital, and those who did were usually protected enough to not have a reason to end up in the hospital. The walls were white and it smelled like chemicals. It wasn’t a pleasant place, but they had tried to make the place seemed a bit cozier by adding children drawings and fairy lights. 

Bruce announced their arrival to the receptionist, while Tim sat down in the waiting room. There was a mom with a newborn, and two kids playing lego besides him. Bruce sat down besides Tim and placed a hand on his knee, giving a light squeeze. “I told Alfred to just go back to the manor. I figured this would take some time.”

Tim nodded stiffly. 

“Mr. Drake?”  
Tim looked up to see a new nurse standing there. Tim and Bruce stood up, and the nurse led them to a new office. Tim looked around. There were drawings of a man with a big moustache on the walls, and it was a box with tiny cars and toy soldiers on a big wooden desk.

“So I’m guessing you are Timothy?” A male voice sounded when Tim and Bruce had sat down in the two chairs that had been placed in front of the desk. Tim looked up, and saw a big man with a big moustache. He looked friendly enough. 

Bruce extended his arm to take the doctors.

“Bruce Wayne.”

“Louis Thomasson.”

Tim reached his hand out as well. “Tim Drake.”

“You can call me doctor moustache,” Louis said playfully. Tim furrowed his eyebrows a bit. How old did Louis think Tim was? Nine? Still, he nodded and pretended to find it funny by giving a light smile.

Louis sat down behind the desk, in front of Tim and Bruce.  
“So, as you both already know, Tim has cancer. He has something called Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia. Now Tim, I’ve heard that you’re pretty smart, so I’m guessing I won’t have to explain how you got it by using cars and toy soldiers?” Louis asked playfully. Tim shook his head and fidgeted a bit. Louis looked kind enough, but Tim was unsure if he would enjoy having him as his doctor.

“That’s good to hear. Okay, so..”

Tim stopped paying attention as Louis started to explain. He already knew all of this, from both school and some research he’d done a few days before, but he figured Bruce would probably like to be informed about this. 

He didn’t doubt for one second that Bruce had read way more about leukemia than necessary, but Bruce was paranoid when it came to almost everything. He always had to triple check.

Tim looked up again as he heard the word treatment get mentioned. This was the part he needed to pay attention to.

“First of all, I want Tim to stay in the hospital. He’s gonna need intensive treatment, and there is a lot of side effects to the treatment, so it’s better if he just stays here,” Louis started.  
Tim’s heart was pounding in his throat. He already hated hospitals, and now he would have to live in one?

“For how long would I..er.. Have to stay here?” Tim asked.

Louis looked at him for almost a minute before he shook his head. “I’m sorry, but that’s really hard to tell. Right now you’re in a really bad condition. When you start your treatments, you’re first gonna feel even worse. Then we will monitor you closely, and eventually you will be able to go to school again.”

Tim looked over at Bruce. It was definitely not school Tim wanted to return to. He didn’t know what he would do without Robin. To Tim’s shock, Bruce was nodding. “I think it would be the smartest option. If he stayed here.”

Tim wanted to protest, but he knew there was nothing he could say here in front of Louis. 

“Great. I think we should start the treatments as quickly as possible, so Tim, why don’t I ask one of the nurses to show you around, and to your room, while Bruce and I talk for a bit.” Louis suggested.

Tim blinked a few times and looked back and forth between the two men. This was going extremely fast. “I..need clothes. And my toothbrush,” he said lamely.  
Bruce smiled gently at Tim. “I’ll call Alfred to bring you whatever you need.”  
“Can you ask him to bring your laptop?” Tim asked. Bruce gave a light hum in reply.

Louis stood up. “Follow me,” he said to Tim, and Tim did so.  
He was introduced to a nurse, Greta, that was from Sweden. Her english was almost perfected as she explained to Tim where everything was, and what everything was, but Tim could hear the slight Swedish accent. 

“You’re in room number three,” Greta said as she led him into a new room. It was a bed in the middle of the room up against the wall, and a lot of medical instruments laying around. It was big monitors and machines around the bed, and Tim wrinkled his nose at being hooked up to all that. 

Bruce and Louis came into the room not long after them, and Alfred followed right behind, carrying a bag. Bruce must’ve told him that Tim had cancer, because he didn’t seem surprised at all when Louis started to talk about the chemotherapy. 

Tim sat down on the edge of the bed. “I’ll let you all talk for a bit,” Louis said and left the room, with Greta right behind him. 

“I’m sorry,” Tim said quietly, looking down. Not only had he managed to get cancer, but now he was going to be stuck in a hospital as well. He was sure Bruce was gonna take Robin away from him as soon as possible. 

Bruce walked over to Tim’s side and sat down. A heavy arm wrapped around Tim’s shoulders, and then pressed him against Bruce’s chest. “It’s not your fault,” he said and hugged Tim tightly.  
Tim was startled by the show of affection. It hadn’t been common in Drake manor, and it wasn’t common in wayne manor either. Maybe hospitals were different. 

After some long moments, Bruce pulled away, and Tim got to look at him properly. Again he was shocked, but this time by seeing the light red edges around Bruce’s eyes. When he turned to look at Alfred, he saw that the man’s eyebrows were knitted together in a deep frown. 

“It’s gonna be okay,” Tim said slowly, attempting to sound reassuring. “Dr. Moustache will cure me,” he smiled.   
Tim had no idea how he’d managed to form that smile. It was genuine, and it even made himself feel a bit better. 

Bruce nodded and stood up again. “Yes, he will. Now I am really sorry Tim, but we have to get going. Dick is alone in the manor, and you know we can’t leave him alone for too long before he breaks anything,” Bruce joked. “Do you want me to inform him of your current state?”

Tim nodded. “Yeah. Tell him that he’s welcome to visit.”

Alfred cleared his throat and stepped forwards. “Master Timothy. I took the liberty of bringing all of your medication with me, though I would advice you to talk with a doctor about them before you start with chemotherapy, to see if you have to quit any or find a different varient. I will stop by every other day to pick up dirty laundry, and bring you more clothes, and if you ever need anything special, you can just call.”

Tim smiled again. “Thank you Alfred. I’ll talk with Dr. Moustache,” he assured the older man.   
“You should get going. I’ll be fine on my own.”

Bruce gave Tim’s shoulder a light squeeze and a wave before he left, and Alfred followed him. 

The teenager sighed once he was by himself and looked around. He was definitely not gonna enjoy his stay at the hospital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to mention that if you're ever offended by something that's written here, please note that this is all seen from Tim's point of view  
I am not trying to make him perfect


	4. the stars are falling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tim is alone in the hospital

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dUde I’m so sorry this took me so long..it’s just been really hard to write, because I’m so hyped for something I’ve planned that comes in later chapters and I can’t wait for it to happen

When Tim had first gotten diagnosed, he’d actually had cancer for a while. He had just never noticed. He always figured the extreme bruises was from crime fighting, that the reason his nosebleeds lasted for so long was because of how often he’d gotten it in the nose.   
He’d taught the constant exhaustion and passing out was because he always stayed up for too long.   
The reason his wounds didn’t close was because his body was already so drained it didn’t have the energy to heal his wounds that quickly. He’d just told himself that he had a weak immune system, when he’d been stuck in bed for weeks because of a cold. 

Tim had finally admitted that he needed to see a proper doctor when he one day had just had a major weight loss. Tim was only bones skin and muscles, and didn’t own any fat. He needed to keep his weight up to keep up his muscles. He knew he wasn’t strong, and he was extremely slim built, especially in comparison to Bruce or Dick.

Tim looked up when Greta entered the room. She was pushing a tray, and Tim stretched his neck a bit to see needles and capsules laying on it. Her blonde hair was tied up in a ponytail, and she was smiling. It wasn’t a bright smile, and it wasn’t one that radiated happiness either. It was just a gentle reassuring smile.   
“There are some things we need to do before we start the chemotherapy,” Greta said lightly. 

Tim sat up and scooted to the edge of the bed, letting his legs dangle over the side. “Like what?” He asked and looked down at his hands. He’d gotten a white band around his wrist where his name, age and patient number was. Tim was fidgeting again, cracking his knuckles and threading his fingers through each other.

“The first thing we need to do is take a blood test. Have you ever done that before?” Greta asked and pulled on some sterile gloves. Tim simply nodded in reply. He’d taken countless of blood tests. Some of them due to poisoning while out fighting crime, but most of them due to Bruce’s paranoia. 

Whenever Bruce did check him, he only looked for traces of poison or checked if Tim ate everything he needed to be healthy. If he’d only looked a bit deeper, he could’ve found that something was seriously wrong with Tim.

“That’s good. Then you know what’s going on,” Greta replied and stepped close to Tim. “I’m just gonna fasten this around your arm, so that it’s easier for me to see where to draw blood from,” she explained as she put a type of belt around Tim’s arm and tightened it. She then picked up the syringe that was on the tray she’d brought. “Ready?” 

Tim nodded and looked down at his hand. He was massaging the side of his knee to distract him. Blood tests wasn’t painful at all, but Tim never enjoyed the feeling of getting pierced by a needle. 

Tim first felt something wet and cold wipe over his skin, and then the needle piercing him. He sat perfectly still while Greta filled three capsules with blood. She pulled the needle out of Tim’ s arm and placed a cotton ball over where it had just been, fastening it with some tape. 

“Oh, by the way, I already am on some medications, and I just wondered if I could still take them while being on chemo?” Tim asked and crawled back up on the bed. “I’m currently on antidepressants and sleeping pills,” he added.

Greta thought for a moment. “You will not need any sleeping pills, because the chemo is gonna make you feel very tired, but you can continue with your antidepressants,” she replied. “Now come, we’re not done yet. I need to weigh and scale you.”

Tim sighed, not wanting to leave the bed, but he stood up and followed Greta. They walked into a new room, where it was a big weight pushed against one of the corners, and a scale right beside it. There was a bed against the other corner, and a desk against the wall, facing a window. 

Greta changed the sign on the outside of the door to occupied and closed it. “I need you to strip to your underwear. We want to get the most accurate answer.”

Tim could feel his cheeks flush red, but he tried to ignore it as he pulled his shirt off. God, this was embarrassing. He stepped out of his shoes and pulled his pants down, his heart pounding with anxiety. Once he’d finished undressing he turned to Greta again, whom simply motioned to the weigher. Tim stepped up on it, wanting to just get it overwith. 

When he glanced down he could see the shape of his ribs, poking out from under his skin. He’d lost too much weight, and he found himself disgusted by his appearance. He glanced down as the numbers quickly moved upwards, to tell him how much he weighed. He grimaced as it landed on 106 lbs. He’d weighed closer to 135 lbs just two months ago. 

Greta wrote something on a notepad, and then nudged Tim towards the scale. Tim stepped off the weight and to the scale. 5’5. 165 cm. He already knew that.

“Great, now you can get dressed and go back to your room, and someone will come in a little while to hook you up to the chemo,” Greta said with a smile. Tim just nodded. The speed he got dressed could’ve challenged Bart.

So far, Tim did not enjoy the chemo at all. It had to be injected through a vein in his hand, and Tim could feel the needle moving whenever Tim shifted.   
A doctor sat by a desk, working on some stuff on a laptop. Tim didn’t bother to find out what it was.   
“So..for how long do you have to stay here?” Tim asked as he placed his laptop in his lap. He could play some video games to make time pass by quicker. 

“Oh, only a few days, if everything goes okay. Usually patient just come in for their chemo appointment and leave the same day, but since you’re so young, and the cancer cells has spread so much, we want to monitor you for a few days,” the doctor replied, turning towards Tim. He nodded in reply, a light smile forming on his lips. Maybe he could visit the titans next weekend. 

“How often do I have to come here?” Tim really didn’t hope it was once a week.

“Two times each month.”

Tim nodded again. He could convince Bruce that he needed to tell Kon what was going on, and he would prefer doing that in person. 

The next day, Tim felt absolutely awful. He was dry heaving, and did not manage to stomach anything. He had a splitting headache, and he was having fever shiverings. Alfred stopped by, but Tim barely remembered it. He’d been vomiting, and pretty loopy.   
He was so anxious this wasn’t usual, and that he would have to stay in the hospital for even longer, but Louis told him this was just side effects, and it would get a bit better over time, and that it was usual to react like this the first day. 

Tim was glad Louis had been right, because the next day Dick stopped by. Tim sat up when his older brother entered the room, offering a tired smile. The rings under his eyes was darker, and he was a bit paler than before. “Hey.”

Dick sat down on a chair that faced the bed. His eyes looked sympathetic, and he smiled sadly. “How are you doing kiddo?” 

Tim told Dick about the day before, and how his stomach still felt too quesy for him to even attempt to eat some jello. Dick listened while Tim ranted about how awful he felt, and how much chemo sucked. 

“I’m so sorry this happened to you Tim,” Dick said, looking down. Tim furrowed his eyebrows. “I don’t want your pity,” he replied. Dick sighed. “So, when are you out of here?” He was trying to change the subject. Tim didn’t mind.   
“In two days,” Tim replied with a light smile. “I’m gonna ask Bruce if I can stay with the titans for a few days, because I don’t have to come back to the hospital in two weeks.”

“I think he’ll agree to that,” Dick replied. Tim was a bit surprised, because he’d expected Dick to sound cheerful or encouraging, but he just seemed sad and angry. Tim decided not to question it. If it was something important, he expected Dick to tell him.   
By now he was used to Bruce hiding things from him, but he was also used to Dick gossiping, or accidentally say something that Bruce hadn’t planned on telling Tim. 

Tim glanced up at Dick, chewing on his lower lip. “Are you okay?” He asked carefully, fidgeting a bit. 

Dick shifted in his chair, looking rather uncomfortable as he replied, “yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”

The next few days passed by quickly. Tim slept most of the time, or just laid in bed, feeling a bit too tired to do anything. The doctors told him it was because he’d been sick, and Tim didn’t really mind. Sleeping was a great way to pass time, and he didn’t see anything else to do in the hospital. 

Greta has come to him after Dick had left, with a bowl of pearls and a long thread. She’d told him that after every treatment and blood test he’d had to take because of his cancer, he would get a pearl, to make a necklace. 

At first Tim had been a bit unsure; it had seemed a bit childish and girly, but he was too polite to turn it down. He looked down at the three pearls that was hanging around his neck. One blue, one green, and one purple. He’d first chosen the blue one so that he wouldn’t seem too feminine..but the purple one had been really pretty, and Tim found he didn’t really care all that much. 

Finally came the day he was gonna leave, and he had two more pearls around his neck. One yellow and another green. He walked on shaky feet out to the car, with Alfred supporting his weight. Bruce hadn’t been able to make it. 

“I’m afraid Master Bruce won’t be able to be available in a little while he’s working on a..tough case. He suggested that you could visit the titans for a bit, before you’re too tired to do such,” Alfred explained as they drove back to the manor. 

Tim pushed his knees up to his chest and rested his chin on them. “Okay,” he replied simply. He was glad that he could visit his friends but..seeing Bruce would’ve been nice.

He didn’t bother to pack more than what he already had in his bag from the hospital, but added his Robin suit. Tim knew that no one would approve if he actually went on any missions but..he usually just wore it around the towers anyways, despite Cassie, Bart and Kon knowing his identity. 

The others hadn’t been able to make it, too busy in their hometowns to go to the tower, so it would just be the four of them. Tim didn’t mind. 

He said goodbye to Alfred and Dick, whom was on bed rest because he’d fractured his leg, and then took a zeta beam to the tower. He was too tired to drive, and with him occasionally just nodding off, he doubted it would be smart if he took his bike.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so...do y’all understand what’s gonna happen in the titans tower?


	5. Kiss me on the mouth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tim tells Kon.
> 
> Tim and Cassie has a tiny talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this came out so short, but, it’s more of a filler chapter, and doesn’t have too much to do with the plot
> 
> BUT THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR 100+ KUDOS AND 1000+ HITS

Conner was waiting for Tim when he arrived. He greeted him with a bright smile, and then a concerned look.  
“Are you okay?” Kon’s voice sounded worried. He wrapped an arm around Tim’s waist and pulled him in close. “You’ve gotten..really skinny,” he commented and wrinkled his nose. 

Tim bit down on his lower lip and sighed. “We need to talk,” he said. He hadn’t expected Kon to see that something was wrong immediately, but he’d known Kon would figure out eventually. 

“Yeah, what is it?” Conner asked and started to walk to the elevator, gently pushing Tim’s lower back to get him to walk alongside with him. 

“We should go somewhere private,” Tim said quietly, nibbling on his lower lip. He noticed the immediate change in Kon’s mood. How he suddenly became nervous, and he moved his hand away and put distance between them. Not so much that it was obvious, not to anyone but the two of them. 

“Let’s just..go to my room,” Tim said and looked down. He felt rude, and disgusting. Kon would think he was disgusting. 

It was awkward, and Tim was anxious. He couldn’t breathe. He had a strange urge to cry. It was stupid.  
“Just..you need to sit,” Tim said, his voice coming out in a whisper. Kon looked like a kicked puppy, a sad frown worrying his face. “Are you breaking up with me?” 

Tim’s eyes widened and he stammered, stumbling over his words. “I’m not!” He exclaimed loudly. “I— I’m sick. I’m not gonna breakup I promise,” he stuttered, too surprised to feel anxious. 

Kon did look a bit relieved, but raised his eyebrows. “You’re..sick? What kind of sick? Like a cold? No..that’s not serious..” Kon murmured to himself. 

Tim swallowed tightly. Why was this so much harder to tell Kon than Bruce? He could feel the tears press behind his eyes, and he sat down besides Conner and took his hand.  
“I..um..I have cancer,” he finally managed to say, his voice choked off. 

Kon exhaled sharply besides him, and stiffened up. “What?” Came his sharp voice, and a few tears ran down Tim’s cheeks. He was pathetic. 

“are you okay?” was the follow up question, and Tim looked up at Kon. He looked worried. Tim’s lower lip trembled and he shook his head. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” Tim said as Kon wrapped his arms around him, pulling him into a tight hug.  
Kon just held Tim as he cried. 

Tim didn’t tell the team. Kon had offered to do it - while Tim sat beside him. Tim was a lot paler than usual, and he barely had any energy at all, so they wouldn’t be able to keep it a secret. 

They had also been shocked, and then worried. Wondered if Bruce hadn’t cared, or if he didn’t know, and if it was why Tim was here. Tim didn’t know what to explain. 

Cassie was the first one to talk to Tim in private. Tim had gone to rest for a bit, and she had followed. Now, Tim wasn’t exactly in a mood to talk..but he knew it would happen sooner or later anyways. 

He sat up when he heard the knock on his door. He gave a light smile when Cassie entered the room, even though he wanted nothing more than sleep. 

“How are you?” She asked and sat down on the edge of the bed. Tim shrugged. “I’m tired, and I feel kind of sick,” he admitted. Cassie nodded. There was pity in her eyes. 

“A friend of mine had cancer. She had cancer in her leg, and she had to chop it off,” Cassie started. She paused for a moment, figuring out that it probably wasn’t a good way to start this conversation. 

“She survived cancer. I know you can too. I know it’s gonna be exhausting, and it’s gonna be a long and tough road. But you’re strong as hell, and I know you can make it,” Cassie said. Tim smiled.  
“I know,” Tim said lightly. “After everything I’ve been through, cancer is not gonna be what kills me.”

Tim was bored. It was dark, so everyone had went out on patrol. Tim had at first wanted to go, but then Kon had pointed out the fact that the Robin uniform didn’t even fit him when he’d tried it on. 

Tim had padded it, but he hadn’t gone out. Instead, he was working on the security. He’d had to close everything down while he worked, but if anyone decided to break in, he would manage to hold his ground for long enough for the team to come back. 

Or...that’s at least what he thought. 

A sound behind Tim made him jerk in surprise. He was about to turn when an arm wrapped around his throat, pulling him up against a broad chest. Tim made a choked off sound and immediately grabbed the arm. He tried to breathe, but his airways was completely cut off. 

“I’ve been longing for this, replacement.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I..kinda had to leave this on a cliffhanger
> 
> next chapter will be up soon


	6. Take me back to the basics and the simple life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jason shows up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was painful to write

Tim’s training seemed to kick in. He slammed his elbow back into the man’s ribs, and pressed hard. He heard a grunt, and was let go. Tim tucked into a roll, and when he got up, he quickly turned to face his attacker. His knees almost gave in at the sight. 

Jason Todd. 

Alive. 

In his..old robin suit. 

Several emotions ran through Tim at once, but the strongest ones was confusion and fear. He could hear his heart thud against his chest, and he narrowed his eyes. Was this actually Jason, or another imposter? Tim scanned him. It looked exactly like the boy Tim had seen in all those pictures. 

“Jason—“

“Shut up.”

Jason lunged at him, coming dangerously fast. Tim ducked and tucked into another roll. Jason grabbed his arm. Punched him in the face. 

Tim staggered backwards. 

This was definitely Jason. Unless an imposter had taken the time to study and learn Jason’s fighting style, Tim was fighting against the second Robin. But how had that happened?

Jason took the opportunity to punch him in the stomach as well, and then threw him down on the ground with the grip he had on his arm. Tim gasped sharply, pain flaring up his back. If he hadn’t been sick, he would’ve been bruised from this fight, but because of his leukemia, he would look like someone had beat him to death (he really hoped that wasn’t what Jason was trying to do), and then beat him some more.

“Why are you—“

“I said shut up.”

Tim grit his teeth and tried to sweep Jason legs out from him. Jason easily moved back, but it gave Tim enough time to get up on his feet again. He reached under his cape and grabbed his bo staff, folding it out. He twirled it in his hands, quickly getting used to the weight. 

“Show off,” Jason scoffed and rolled his eyes. Tim narrowed his eyes again, and stood his ground. He was on defense. He had no reason to try and attack Jason, but he would definitely knock him out if he needed to.  
A part of him wanted to yell for Conner, but he knew it would be pointless. It was lead in the walls, made to be soundproof from everyone outside the tower, as well as inside.

Jason attacked again, attempting to get Tim down on the ground again. Tim ducked under his fist, and swung his staff. He hit Jason in the chest. It only seemed to make Jason even more angry. It felt like Tim was fighting a bear. He only attacked, and only seemed to get more angry and frustrated the longer Tim managed to hold his ground.

Jason growled, landing a hit on Tim’s chest.   
Tim gave a pained sound and stumbled back again. Jason yanked the staff out of Tim’s grip. Hit him across his jaw. 

Tim saw Jason’s hands reach to grip his hair. He squeezed his eyes shut, wishing to be away from this all.   
He felt nothing. Was he going into shock? No..all of Jason’s previous hits hurt like hell, and he still felt aware of his surroundings..somewhat.

Tim opened his eyes again. Jason was right there, holding a wad of black hair, and Tim was sure his expression mirrored Jason’s. Surprised, and disgusted.

Tim blinked. He..didn’t understand. 

“What the fuck replacement. You a fucking cancer patient?” Jason spat, and pushed Tim back harshly. Tim fell back down. He didn’t know what to say. He simply stared up at Jason, his gaze empty. 

“Shit..” Jason cursed as he realized the truth. He walked up to Tim who was just sitting on the ground, staring dumbly up at Jason. He seemed even angrier now, for some reason. Tim’s brain didn’t work. It didn’t manage to stay focused. He didn’t understand.

“You have fucking cancer, and B still made you Robin. Fucking pathetic.” 

The last thing Tim saw, was a green boot. 

When Tim came to, Kon, Cassie, and Bart was standing around him, all looking worried.   
“Tim! What happened? Are you okay?!” Kon exclaimed. Tim sat up, supporting his upper body by placing his elbows behind him. 

“Jason,” Tim replied. “Jason is alive,” he paused, and forced himself to stand up. He almost slipped in some blood. He was shaking. “I need a shower.”

Kon looked worried. Everyone did, but Tim was focusing on Kon. “I’m fine,” he said.   
Kon narrowed his eyes. “You have two broken ribs. Your eye is swollen shut,” he stated. 

Tim swallowed tightly. He was feeling too overwhelmed. “I’ll be careful.”

“I think you should tell Batman about this,” Bart piped up. He’d been awfully quiet since he’d heard Tim had cancer. It was all unusual. Tim didn’t feel comfortable at all. 

“No. He doesn’t need to know of this. If Batman wants to keep things away from me, I don’t see why I can’t keep things away from him,” Tim said cooly, and then turned, limping out of the room. 

He didn’t need to look to know that Kon was following him. 

It hurt when he stripped. He looked at himself in the mirror, his bottom lip trembling. He was so so pale, and the bruises around his ribs was such a deep contrast to it. 

Tim stepped into the hot stream. The hot water was relaxing against his muscles, and he relaxed the slightest. He leaned his head against the cool wall, and let out a sob. 

Pathetic

He couldn’t stand there for long. Tim forced himself to stand upright and grabbed the shampoo. He poured a bit too much into his hand, and then started to rub it into his hair. 

Then stopped. 

It felt like his scalp was burning. 

Tim took a shaky breath and looked down on his hands. 

Hair. His hair was coming out. 

Tim made a choked off sound, his whole body starting to shake. He pushed back against the wall and sat down on the floor. He tried to rinse the shampoo out of his hair, but his hair just kept falling out. 

“Kon!” Tim screamed, sobs now tearing through him. 

He was disgusting. His hair was falling out in big amounts and it was disgusting.

The door slammed open, revealing a distressed looking Kon. 

Tim had made him so stressed lately. He didn’t deserve this. He shouldn’t have come here. 

“Tim? What is it babe?” Conner walked up to the shower and opened the door. Tim pressed his face into his knees. Kon would think he was disgusting. 

Disgustingdisgustingdisgustingdisgustingdisgusting. 

“Oh. Shit.”

Tim sobbed again. His voice was hoarse, and his throat hurt. 

“Babe..you’re losing a lot of hair,” Conner murmured. Tim looked up at him. 

“I don’t know what to do,” Tim whispered. 

“Come here.”

Kon gently picked him up and carried him out of the shower. He sat Tim down on the counter, and then retrieved a towel, wrapping him up in it. Tim simply looked at Kon, feeling lost. How did Kon even manage to look at Tim when he was this disgusting?

“I’ll be right back.”

Conner hurried out of the room, but he didn’t fly. If he did, it might alert someone that something was wrong. It was no reason to worry someone unnecessary, or to draw even more attention to Tim.

Tim simply nodded, and wiped his tears away. He didn’t dare to look in the mirror, so he looked down. He could imagine how he looked though. His hair wet, hanging downwards. He hadn’t rinsed out all of the shampoo yet. A lot of loose hair was laying on his shoulders; he would need to shower again to get it all off. Tim probably had bald patches.

Disgusting. 

Kon soon returned with a chair and an electric razor. 

“This is gonna make it all a bit easier,” Kon said with a smile. 

Tim blinked. He didn’t deserve Conner. 

“Look. Can you bend over the sink a bit? I just wanna get out the rest of the shampoo..and any hair that falls out with it,” Kon said carefully, and put the razor on the other side of the sink.

Tim wrapped the towel tighter around himself and slid down from the counter. He bent over the sink, placing his down, looking directly at the drain. There were very few he would trust like this, but Kon had proved to be trustworthy several times. 

It was a bit soothing, when Kon turned the sink on, and lukewarm water ran over his head. Tim squeezed his eyes shut when Kon started to rub his hair, and big amounts fell into the sink. Tim wondered how he wasn’t completely bald yet. 

“Okay..can you move to the chair now?” Kon asked patiently. He held Tim stand properly up again, and guided him to the chair. Tim eyed the razor. He was gonna be bald. He would look like a real cancer patient now. 

Tim looked up at Kon as he turned it on, the buzzing sounding way louder than it should. His throat felt dry, and he swallowed thickly.

“Are you ready?” Kon asked softly, rubbing Tim’s shoulder.   
“Yeah,” Tim replied after a moment. He fidgeted anxiously. “Just do it.”

After skinning Tim, they found a plain razor, and smeared shaving cream over his head, and shaved the rest of it. That part was a bit uncomfortable, but Tim didn’t complain. Now it was his choice, to let his hair go. He was still in control.

When they had finished, Tim studied himself in the mirror. He’d refused to look at himself until now. 

“I definitely look sick now,” Tim murmured with a sigh as he slid his hand over his smooth scalp. His scalp was a bit paler than his face, so it looked odd, but Tim knew that it would change shortly.

Kon wrapped an arm around Tim’s shoulder, hugging him tightly. “We can go out and buy a beanie tomorrow if you want to. You’ll look cute,” Kon added and placed a kiss to Tim’s head. Tim wondered how Kon put up with him. Not only was he now bald, but he still was bruised and swollen from the fight with Jason.

Tim looked up at Kon and smiled. A genuine smile. It felt like too long since he’d had one of those. “I would like that.”

“Then we have a date.”

Tim smiled. “Yeah,” he breathed. “It’s a date.”  
Conner smiled brightly at that, and leaned down to peck Tim’s lips. Tim returned the kiss, warmth fluttering in his chest. “Sleep with me tonight?” He asked against Kon’s lips. They broke the kiss, and Kon took his hand, leading him out to the bedroom again. “Dry off. I’ll find you something to wear,” Kon said softly.

Tim did as he was told, and sat down on the bed. Kon threw a pair of boxers at him, which Tim easily caught. He slipped them on, in time to catch a t-shirt that came flying towards his head. Tim furrowed his eyebrows and looked at it, then burst into a soft laughter, ignoring how it hurt his ribs. “Seriously?”

Kon shrugged. “I like seeing you in my clothes,” he responded slyly. Tim slid on the black t-shirt with the super logo on, and then looked up at Kon again. 

“How bad is my ribs?” he asked after a moment. Kon worried his lip between his teeth. He hadn’t been all that good with medical stuff, especially since he didn’t need anything himself, but Tim had forced him to learn a bunch of stuff. Conner never did complain though, because he did enjoy Tim’s company too much.

“You should definitely rest for a little while. Definitely don’t try to fight anyone again,” Kon listed the obvious. “I..also think that you should contact one of the bats. Or Alfred. I’m not saying immediately, but..maybe tomorrow? After our date?”

Tim squirmed uncomfortably. “I don’t know..” he mumbled.

“I just want you to be safe,” Kon insisted. “They might need to take you to the hospital.”

Tim stilled seemed hesitant. “I can..call Alfred tomorrow,” he agreed after a few moments of Kon giving him puppy eyes. 

“Thanks babe,” Kon said and then kicked his shoes and pants off, and tossed his shirt down on the floor before he joined Tim in bed. He carefully wrapped his arms around him, doing his best to not trigger any pain to Tim’s ribs. 

For once, Tim felt like everything was okay.


	7. you’re driving me wild

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some Timkon fluff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo..so here’s a warning   
in this chapter Tim does some..unhealthy things, so if anything related to vomiting and/or eating disorders triggers you, I advice you stop reading after ‘they acted like everything was okay’
> 
> anyways, thank you so much for all the kudos (‘: 
> 
> if you ever wanna request me any writing prompts or just wanna chat with me, my Instagram is @softimdrake and my tumbler is @softimdrams

Tim woke up from the sensation of wet kisses on his neck. A tiny smile spread over his lips, and he gently pushed Kon’s head away.   
“Are you really that desperate for attention that you do your moves on me while I sleep?” He said teasingly and opened his eyes. The room was still dark, because of his dark curtains, but he still squinted. 

Conner smiled brightly at him and leaned up to press a kiss to Tim’s lips. Tim snickered lightly and wrapped his arms around the back of Kon’s neck, and Kon took it as an invitation to climb up on top of Tim. 

“You’re getting cocky Kent,” Tim said after he’d pulled away from the kiss. “Don’t let all this affection go to your head.”

Conner grinned and reached a hand up to cup Tim’s cheek.   
“We should get ready to go out. It’s already noon.”  
Tim nodded and nudged Kon’s shoulder. Kon took the hint and leaned back. 

“How’s your ribs?”

Tim slid out of bed, and placed a hand over his ribs, grimacing a bit. “They ache, but nothing that’ll be a problem.”

Conner raised an eyebrow. “You could be bleeding out, and you wouldn’t call it a problem. I want you to answer me again. How’s your ribs?”

Tim felt like a child being scolded, and he blushed. “It sorta hurts breathing, but there’s none unexpected or extreme pain,” he murmured and pulled his (Kon’s) shirt off, and folded it before putting it back in his drawer. 

“Okay. I’m just gonna take a shower and get dressed and then we can leave,” Conner said and slid out of the bed. 

“Yeah, I’ll see you then,” Tim replied and looked through his drawers for something to wear. 

Kon kisses Tim’s temple before he left the room. 

Now that Tim was alone, his mind started to drift. Anxiety started to build at the thought of going out in public looking like this. Tim shuffled into the bathroom again and looked at himself. 

Then walked out again. 

Tim couldn’t stand the sight of himself. 

He quickly got dressed, pulling on a pair of pants (he had to use a belt because they were too loose on him) and a pastel red hoodie. He pulled the hood over his head, and then laid down on the bed again. 

Tim picked up his phone and scrolled through his contacts until he reached D. His thumb hovered over the call button for a few minutes before he turned the screen off and threw his phone to the foot of his bed. 

Twenty minutes later Kon entered Tim’s room again. 

“Ready?” He asked. Kon gave a tiny nod and held out his hand. Tim smiled softly and rolled out of his bed and took Kon’s hand, and they walked together out of the tower. 

Tim felt as if he was slowly going insane. So far, he’d gotten five sympathetic stares from the table to their left, and countless from the waiter; he’d gotten two free cups of coffee. 

He hated the pity people showed him. Tim pulled the hood further over his head and looked down at the plate in front of him. He hadn’t even touched his food. He felt rather sick. 

Tim knew it was just because of the chemotherapy, but Kon had mentioned that he needed to eat more, because he was looking too skinny. Tim really didn’t want to disappoint Kon, but he was sure he was gonna vomit if he even put anything near his mouth. 

Conner reached out for his hand, bringing Tim’s attention to him.   
“Hey..are you okay? Should I order you something else?” He asked and gave Tim’s hand a light squeeze. Tim winced and worried his lip between his teeth. 

“No it’s— I’m sorry, I just don’t feel very well— I’m sorry,” Tim stammered and shifted in the chair. He was getting skinny to the point where it hurt to sit down. He would need to wear extra layers. 

Kon furrowed his eyebrows. “Should we leave then? We can go and look for something pretty to buy?” He suggested. 

Tim shrugged. He would actually like leaving as soon as possible, but Conner hadnt finished his burger yet. “We don’t have to. I’ll eat,” Tim said quietly. So he picked up his fork and started to eat his salad. Tim didn’t manage to enjoy it at all. 

Kon smiled and continued to eat as well. They acted like everything was okay. 

Tim didn’t feel very well after they’d left. He was tired, and the weight of his food felt too heavy for him. They were just walking around in a mall when Tim had to excuse himself to go to the bathroom. 

“Just..wait here. I’ll be right back,” Tim said and placed a kiss on Kon’s cheek and then ran to the bathrooms. He was almost out of breath when he reached the toilets, and he walked in and locked the door behind him, before sitting down. It was disgusting, but Tim felt pretty disgusting himself, so he figured it wouldn’t matter. 

Tim squeezed his eyes shut and pressed a hand over his mouth. He slowly moved over to the toilet, sitting on his knees in front of it. His hands were shaking as he reached one up and reached his middle and index finger into his mouth. 

He gagged several times before anything came up. Tim only felt even more disgusted with himself. 

When he’d finished puking, he rinsed his mouth with water, his throat burning. 

Disgustingdisgustingdisgustingdisgustingdisgusting

Kon was waiting in the same spot Tim had left him, greeting him with a smile. He had no idea what had happened. So Tim smiled back and took his hand again. 

Kon was better off not knowing what had happened.   
Everyone was better off not knowing.


	8. without losing a piece of me, how do i get to heaven?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> super short dick and tim fluff

Returning to the manor was not exciting. He’d barely gotten two steps into the manor when Bruce started to scold him.   
“How did you get all those bruises?” He immediately accused and gripped Tim’s chin, tilting his head up until Tim’s hood slid off. Luckily he had a beanie on..

“You’re supposed to take it slow; to be careful,” Bruce continued. Tim was suddenly filled up with anger, and he pushed Bruce’s arm away and walked past him.   
“I tried to be careful,” he growled lowly. 

Bruce grabbed Tim’s shoulder and spun him around. The velocity made Tim feel sick.   
“You obviously didn’t if you went out on patrol!”

Tim’s eyes widened, though the surprised expression quickly morphed into one filled with anger.   
“I didn’t go out on patrol. Your precious Jason Todd came to the tower and had his fun with me,” Tim snapped. It was only satisfaction that ran through him when he saw Bruce’s shocked and hurt face. 

“Leave me alone until you manage to communicate with me— your partner,” Tim huffed and walked past Bruce again. He was glad when Bruce made no move to hold him in place this time. 

Tim knew he was being rude by not greeting saying hello to Alfred, but he really wanted to be alone. He wondered how they all would react to Tim being bald. Hopefully they wouldn’t show too much of a reaction. He felt pretty self conscious about it. 

Tim opened his door, and immediately felt uncomfortable. Something was off. But..nothing bad could’ve happened— because Bruce would’ve noticed it. He forced himself to relax, and he stepped into his bedroom, and closed the door behind him. 

His window was open, his bed was exactly like he’d left it, and his camera was still on his desk. He didn’t notice anything else different but his window. He figured it was just Alfred who wanted to air out his room. 

He walked up and closed the window, and his sense that something was wrong only strengthened. Tim quickly turned around to the sound of his door closing, only to see Dick grinning at him. 

“Come on Tim..what if—“ Dick paused when he looked at Tim, finally getting a glance on his face. “Holy shit, what happened? Are you okay?!” Dick exclaimed and hurried forwards. He cupped Tim’s cheeks and tilted his head to the side. Tim frowned and pushed Dick away.   
“Stop it. Im not a child,” he huffed. He didn’t know where the sudden surge of annoyance came from, but he wanted nothing more than to just slam Dick’s face into the wall if he continued to fret over Tim. 

Dick worried a lip between his teeth and lowered his gaze. “You’re only fifteen..and you’re my baby brother,” he argued, but didn’t step closer to Tim. Dick was good at knowing when to pull away, despite so many people labeling him as a cuddle monster.

“Did your hair fall out?” Dick asked a bit hesitantly and leaned his back against the wall. Tim looked down. It was probably pretty obvious, considering his hair was so messy it always poked out from under hats and hoods. He nodded and took a deep shuddering breath.

“Do you think Bruce and Alfred will make a big deal about it?” he asked, though he quickly wrinkled his nose. Neither of them had ever been ones to be dramatic or overreact about something. He probably sounded ridicolous. 

But Dick just smiled and pushed himself off the wall so that he could trip over to Tim. he wrapped an arm tightly around the boy’s shoulders and hugged him close. “I’ll let them know, so that they’re prepared for it,” he said with a smile. Tim nodded and relied his weight on Dick. 

“I’m gonna take a nap..so just wake me when it’s dinner,” he said and pressed a smile to his face. 

Dick gave a sharp nod and let go of Tim. “Of course. You dont have to eat with us if you’re too tired to though,” he proceeded and helped Tim to the bed. Tim hesitated for a few moments before he nodded. “I think I would prefer to eat in my bed then,” he said. “I just get more tired and tired from each day that pass. Soon you’ll have to put me in a wheelchair so that I’ll manage to get around,” Tim joked, though he quickly frowned as he realized that was most likely what was going to happen.

Dick simply laughed and rubbed Tim’s shoulder before he left Tim’s bedroom. 

It only took a few seconds before Tim was passed out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys..super sorry that i disappeared but
> 
> my grandma got diagnosed with cancer only a few days before my latest chapter, and we wont know if she'll make it through until january, so writing this fic has been pretty hard.
> 
> i know this chapter is sUper short, but i swear the next ones will be longer


	9. not ready to be found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tim's in the hospital again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this takes place a month after previous chapter
> 
> bruce is gonna make an appearance soon..hopefully in the next chapter

“Tim! We came as fast as we could!” Kon exclaimed as he, Bart and Cassie entered his room. Tim looked worse than ever. His skin was almost matching the clean sheets underneath him, and he had a sort of tube that fell around his nose and face.   
He was hooked up to a lot of machines, and it made Kon almost feel sick.   
“Hey guys,” Tim said weakly and sat up. He looked way too skinny. 

“What’s going on Tim..?” Bart asked carefully. It was weird seeing the speedster like this. Usually he was full of energy, but now his movements, and he looked plain concerned.   
“I’m fine, I promise,” Tim said gently and smiled. Kon moved to sit down on the chair besides Tim’s hospital bed, though Cassie and Bart continued to stand. “I haven’t been able to keep any food down, so I passed out. I’m uh.. getting fed artificially,” he explained and pointed to the tube that laid under his nose. 

Cassie took a step forwards. She looked pretty anxious. It was weird seeing Tim like this. Usually, the teen always put on a brave look, and despite not having any powers, he seemed so much stronger than any of them. Now.. he looked so incredibly weak.   
“Fuck,” Cassie cursed before she walked over the room, with a hand cupped over her mouth.

“I’ll go after her,” Bart said, and even though he wasn’t crying, he looked just as unhappy as Cassie. Tim felt his gut twist, and he looked up at Kon. 

“You know I’m gonna get through this, right Kon?” Tim said and smiled nervously.

“We’re doing our best to help you Tim,” Dr. Mustache said as he walked into the room. He was probably here to check on Tim’s vitals. 

“Do you promise?” Tim asked. He sounded so much younger. He sounded afraid.

“I’m doing my best,” the doctor replied and smiled at the pair.

“Well..if you don’t get me through this..you have to shave your mustache,” Tim said playfully. Both Kon and Dr. Mustache chuckled at that. 

“Was it your friends I saw walking down the hall? They do know you’re just in to get more chemo and the nose tube right?” Dr. Mustache said as he looked through a few papers. 

Tim nodded. “Yeah. They’re just worried,” he sighed. Kon wanted to just hold the boy, but he was also so scared he was gonna break him.

“You should talk with them before visiting hours ends. If they want to, I can have Greta talk to them about your condition,” Dr. Mustache said. 

Tim nodded. “Yeah, I’ll check with them.”

Tim woke up from a light tapping on his window. It took his eyes a few moments to adjust to the sharp lights. He heard the tapping again, and changed the focus to the window. He immediately froze when he saw the red helmet. He immediately considered clicking his emergency button but.. How would he explain to the nurses that he’d done it because he’d seen red hood sitting outside his window. 

Tim didn’t move an inch. He just stared at red hood as he opened the window, and slipped into the room. Tim’s breathing came quicker, and fear started to fill him. What did Jason want now?   
Jason didn’t say anything as he held out a flower bouquet. Tim’s eyes went wide with confusion, though his heart was still hammering in fear. 

Jason reached a gloved hand up and pulled his helmet off.   
“Wanted to apologize,” the man mumbled, and Tim had to blink, because the man actually seemed sincere. “I shouldn’t have attacked a child. Especially not a sick kid,” Jason added. Tim only stared. Jason put the bouquet down in Tim’s lap and awkwardly walked back. 

“I guess I’ll see you around replacement,” Jason said and put the helmet on. This time, his voice was so soft, and not at all mocking. What the fuck.


	10. note

hello! as you all might’ve noticed, i have not added a chapter in a while.   
that is because i am in my senior year in highschool and college + exams are stressing me out. in april i start my finals, and where i live they’re almost more important than our exams 

my mental health haven’t been the best either, but i am working on it. i’ve lost interest for a lot of things, including writing, but i love this story, and i have so much planned to it, so i’ll try to continue. right now there’s mostly gonna be filler chapters, which is another reason i’m not too excited about writing, and i know i have rushed a lot of this story so i don’t wanna continue with that

i’m sorry if you got an email and got hopeful about a new chapter, but thanks for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> I'll try to get the next chapter up as soon as possible
> 
> I am so sorry if anything I write is wrong or inaccurate. Everything I know about cancer is from the internet and some books I've read in the past  
I'll try to make the next chapters a bit longer


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